Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Friends: How many others have them?

How many of us have them?
Ones we can depend on
How many of us have them?
Before we go any further, lets be

Is a word we use everyday
Most the time we use it in the wrong way
Now you can look the word up, again and again
But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldnt be much help
Because A friend is somebody you judge for yourself
Some are ok, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for bein a fool

We like to be with some, because they're funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you're still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall
And then there's some we wish we never knew at all
And this list goes on, again and again
But these are the people that we call friends

The words above are from a rap song by a rap group from back in the day called "Whodini"
This song resonated with me today as I think about all the people that I call friend.
For most of my life I've had the very same best friends. Three of them. When i was younger, I had a different best friend here or there but they were all temporary as I was young and didn't really understand the meaning behind the word friend and what being a real friend truly entails. I think some people see their friends as always being perfect or always knowing what to do or say or always being there for them when they need them but that truly is not the case. It is a impossible expectation to think that your friend will ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED THEM. They may want to be, they may long to be, they may intend to be but that may not always be the case. It's an impossible expectation to place on another human being. Truly it is. There are times that really matter and having your friend there is very important. I think sometimes we expect our friends to be perfect and make no mistakes. That's also impossible. We are all human and capable of doing things wrong.

The difference to me between a friend and a person that you know isn't is there capability to come back from whatever differences you may have and be able to admit what they've done wrong and apologize and sincerely mean it. In this life, if you don't know and can't be forgiving of others, you will have a hard life to lead because everyone will fail you at some point. Each and every one. No one is perfect. Not mommy, Not daddy, Not your sister or your brother and definitely not your best friend. We pick our friends based on how well we get along, how much we have in common, how trustworthy they are and how fun they are to be around. Perfection is not a quality that your friend will have because you don't have it either. None of us do. 

If your friend does something that hurts you, tell them. Express to them how much whatever it was hurt you and allow them to respond. How they respond tells you whether they are truly your friend or not. Now of course there are certain things that a friend absolutely positively would not do and in that instance, you already know. An apology isn't needed. LOL I'm not gonna go into that right now but I'm saying this because recently I learned somehow who I loved and cared about was never really my friend. That hurt me. It hurt me to my core because I pride myself on being a very good judge of character. I'm not talking about the shallow shit. I'm talking about the real deal holyfield who you are person on the inside. I pride myself on being able to tell who is real and who isn't and I'm uspset with my myself for allowing this person into my life, into my home, into my family and all the while, they weren't what i call "good people". 

I had put that person out of my life. I'm working on putting them out of my heart but that's a process that doesn't happen overnight. When I love, I love hard. I put my all into the people I care about and try my best to be there when I can, if i can. I travel back and forth frequently to NC for different events, occasions, etc and people say..."you're going to NC again?". My response: "yep" Those NC friends have been good to me and I owe them and I will always be there for them every chance I get. I have a family that's really not my family at all. (biologically) but to me, they for a period of time were the only family unit I had ever really known. I'm getting off track here so let me get back to the subject at hand. LOL

Friends....yeah. Don't be so quick to judge people because they aren't ALWAYS there when you need them. They won't be. When people fail me, I look to God. He is the one and only who I know will always be there for me, day or night, good or bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer who will never fail me. Ever. To expect that of another human being simply just isn't fair. My friend betrayed me in a way that let me know for sure we ain't shit no more and when I expressed it to her what she did and how I felt, she still didn't apologize or even try to reconcile and make it better. So yeah, we're done. There are reasons to put people out of your life...yes but just because they aren't there everytime you need them shouldn't be one. 

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I've forgiven so many people over the course of my life and some of those people don't play a active role in my life anymore but i forgave them and because I was able to forgive them, I let go of the hurt and pain of it all. I never forget though. But just remember forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was right. It just means that you refuse to hold on to that anguish and pain and carry it around with you forever and let it play a part in your everyday life. Pain manifests itself in so many ways. There are so many things that will happen in your life that will hurt you, knock you down and sometimes even may make you feel like you can't go on. I've been there. That's when I realized that the only friend that will NEVER let me down, is God. 

That reminds me of a lil song Patti Labelle sings...

You are my friend,

I never knew it 'til then
My friend, my friend

You hold my hand,
You might not say a word
But I see your tears when I show my pain

You're--- my, my friend
I never knew it 'til then
My friend
I feel your love,
When you're not near
It helps me make it knowing you care

The thought of you helps me carryon 
When I feel all hope is gone
I see the world wit brand new eyes
Your love has made me realize
My future looks bright to me, 
Oh because you are my friend
I've been looking around and you were here all the time.

That song to me from the moment I heard it has always been about God.

singing: I've been looking around and you were here all the time

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